Oh, aren’t you clever.
Look at you, making sheep’s eyes at the philosophy major across the room as he explains the categorical imperative. Congratulate yourself on how subtle you assume you’re being as you apply another coat of lipstick and try to “accidentally” catch his eye. When he does, you’ll bat your eyes seductively and purse your coral-tinted lips, so transparent in your motivations you’d put a bottle of Dasani to shame.
If you hated yourself any more, you’d sidestep all the hoops you jump through in the dating game and wear an “enter here” sign on your front.
Somewhere between your head and your mouth, it came across as a good idea to laugh at something you truthfully find offensive. If you had more confidence in your ability to live comfortably with yourself, you wouldn’t wear cleavage-exposing dresses yet awkwardly tug the neckline up every five minutes.
If you’re looking for a surrogate conscience, fishing murky waters for compliments, you’re looking in the wrong pond. If the problem is that you don’t respect yourself and are looking for validation from someone else – that’s the real problem.
Girls are catty creatures, but I don’t think we necessarily single other girls out that we see as flamboyant in their flirtations. What’s frustrating are the girls who keep their heads down and tuck “Of Mice and Men” back into their purses, embarrassed to be seen reading such a thing – or truthfully, reading for pleasure in the first place.
Tell me, is there some fork in the road where all us girls have to choose one or the other? Is there a zero-sum situation where we laugh at jokes that aren’t funny, where we tack “lol” on to serious discussions of American literature?
Maybe that’s why I fly solo.
I can’t bring myself to lower my standards to meet baseline expectations, can’t force a chuckle at jokes that sound like you got them straight from a Laffy Taffy wrapper. It’s a fundamental lesson in life that you’ve got to respect yourself before you can realistically expect others to. And if that means facing the single life a few years, you should at least embrace it. Not every guy you meet in class or in the line at Starbucks is “the one.”
The “one” that really matters here is yourself.
Nobody can magically grant you self-respect, and obviously nobody else can make you feel better about being alone. But low-cut tank tops and ruby red lips aren’t going to do any good, because oh by the way – there was a smudge of lipstick on your tooth the entire time.
So if I get caught in the crossfire of your pouty-lipped, heavy-lidded adoring gazes at the boy target of the week, don’t take this personally. Every girl’s got the right to do as she sees fit in this arena. This isn’t about slut-shaming, it isn’t about drawing the thick black line of jealousy across the page.
All I’m saying is I’ll take my dog-eared copy of “The Great Gatsby” and wave a white flag now. That said, don’t expect me to warn you when you’ve got spinach in your teeth.
Comments
She totally nailed it! I thought my reaction to the slutty clothes on campus was “me getting old…” but self respect has no age limits and that is what so many girls lack today. It has nothing to do with feminism – it has to do with ‘do you love trust and respect yourself” sign me “A 60 year old bride because it took me 40 years to figure it out..”
Boss,
With a response like that, I’m sure you’re probably one of the ones who think, “This is 2012, women are equal now!”Not so, do your research. Pointing out that you’re “educated” doesn’t help your argument when it’s coming from the viewpoint of ignorance and close-mindedness. Furthermore, referring to yourself as a “real man” is not humble. Indeed you seem to think that because you are “educated” and a “real man” you have it all figured out and are SO much smarter than all of the women fighting back over this. No one is fooled. And also, I don’t think you have to worry about “being led around by your tongue like a cavemen”. Girls like us don’t go for misogynists like you.
I, for one, have not read any of these books.
Firstly, I don’t think the author is insulting anyone nor did she mean to offend. This piece simply points out an extreme character flaw in today’s society: one that our generation who, as a previous poster mentioned, has the world at our finger tips, needs to seriously address. I’ve personally witnessed females dumb themselves down when a guy approaches. The article is about women learning to respect themselves.
Secondly, those insulting the author’s choice of books are just grasping for straws. I’ve read many books since high school, but some of those that I read in high school are my favorites. Should she have instead listed something by Nietzsche or Bukowski?
Finally, feminism is, in my opinion, the idea that a woman should embrace her femininity, but at the same time stay true and strong to herself, compromising for no one: especially, not a man.
“Finally, feminism is, in my opinion, the idea that a woman should embrace her femininity”
A lot of feminists do not embrace femininity. A lot of feminists are not women.
Dear Boss, all you are doing is summarizing this entire poorly written article. You clearly didn’t bother taking the time out to read anyone’s reasoning for finding it offensive, and you have the nerve to call yourself an educated man. You’re not fooling anyone but yourself if you really think that attention from the likes of you is much needed from any woman. You are not a woman; therefore, you have no business trying to educate women on what they should and should not wear. “As a real man, I find it offensive when I have to look at female flesh while I am trying to get an education I’ve worked hard to pay for. ” Honestly? Get over yourself. Being a real man has nothing to do with judging members of the opposite sex based on what they choose to wear.
Upon reading this article, I was bothered by the simple fact that a fellow woman would stoop to such an ugly level. To me, it sounds like the author is jealous of women who put a lot of effort into the way they look… but for what reason? Do they make her feel insecure about her own appearance? Obviously so, or else she wouldn’t be writing about it.
The way somebody looks honestly shouldn’t matter, but in this culture it definitely does. Therefore, it’s kind of pointless to be in such a huff over it. You live in America, the land of superficiality, so you’d better get used to it.
And FYI, just because somebody applies lipstick in class and bats her eyes at a guy she finds attractive doesn’t make her an idiot. Just a human.
“Women who are secure in themselves need not primp, polish, perfume and expose everything in order to get attention. What’s more, I am confused as to why you young ladies will expose so much and act and speak like you do, but are completely offended when you get “stereotyped” as being anything less than pias. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck… How dare somebody front you ladies out on the silly games you play. It’s a shame that you think everybody wants or needs to see parts of you reserved for your significant other. As a real man, I find it offensive when I have to look at female flesh while I am trying to get an education I’ve worked hard to pay for.”
I almost can’t even begin to comment on this. What we’re trying to say is that if we take pride in our appearance, it is because we love ourselves and NOT to get attention. Clearly, you missed this point. And as far as being offended– We are offended because no one, yes not even you, has the right to tell us how we should behave, or look. I understand that as a “real man” this message might be a bit hard for you to understand, but seriously. And as for the “games we play”? That statement is a joke. Because we choose to flirt or show off skin does not mean that we owe you ANYTHING. I understand that it was your aim to defend the writer here, and bring another viewpoint to light, but all you’ve done is further support slut shaming and misogynistic views. It’s good to know that, in your world, the male race still reigns supreme.
Not only is this totally offensive, but of mice and men and the great gatsby?! This makes me want to repeat a question someone asked earlier, have you read a book since high school? Be
Ladies, ladies…calm down! It seems as though someone has struck a nerve. Not so easy being the nail. Much more fun being the hammer, right? I think what the writer was trying to infer is that women need not dumb themselves down in order to draw that much needed attention from the opposite sex. As an educated man, I find it offensive to have to sit in classes that I’ve paid good money for and watch the little cat and mouse between juveniles who think they are grown. Frankly, because you have a vocabulary, don’t think that you are at the height of mental maturity and have it all worked out. Women who are secure in themselves need not primp, polish, perfume and expose everything in order to get attention. What’s more, I am confused as to why you young ladies will expose so much and act and speak like you do, but are completely offended when you get “stereotyped” as being anything less than pias. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck… How dare somebody front you ladies out on the silly games you play. It’s a shame that you think everybody wants or needs to see parts of you reserved for your significant other. As a real man, I find it offensive when I have to look at female flesh while I am trying to get an education I’ve worked hard to pay for. We are not all cavemen who can be led around by our tongues. Not that it isn’t beautiful, but there is a time and a place for it. In my humble opinion, men and women fall back on enhancing their sexuality when they feel insecure in other areas. Bottom line, girls with high opinions of themselves seem to feel as though they are above other girls who aren’t poised for the front of a magazine, regardless of education or upbringing. So, if you have been butt hurt about this article, get over it. If the shoe fits; wear it proudly. Looks aren’t everything. You’ll find this out when age and gravity get the better of you later on.
Way to be condescending. I read all those books in high school though… Glad to see your college education is serving you well.
Brittany, you are doing a great disservice to women by oversimplifying their nature based on their outer appearance. Just as one cannot accurately judge a person’s character by their looks, one cannot assume that an individual is intelligent just because they tote around intellectual literature. The literary examples given within this article cannot really be seen as being greatly intellectual in any way, but that seems to be the message that you are putting off. A woman can love her body and her looks, and be accepting and excited by them AND be true and good to herself, believe it or not. How one looks offers a first impression, though you don’t seem to have the wisdom to give the ones you look down your nose upon the benefit of the doubt that they may be much more than they seem.
You are not promoting female acceptance at all within this writing. You condemn others who do not fit into the narrow scope of what you deem appropriate while wasting no time informing us, the readers, that the only reason why a woman would ever show her cleavage or wear red lipstick or flaunt her physical characteristics in any manner is for a man. Not because she loves her own cleavage, or because she thinks her lips in red are pretty, or because she likes to look nice for HERSELF.
I may be wrong, but it sounds like there is a lot of psychological projection happening here. I hope one day you gain the wisdom needed to see the error in your premature judgement of your fellow women.
You have to be in a wrong state of mind to think that anyone who wears makeup or looks in a man’s direction is hard pressed for sex.
You’re just perpetuating a stereotype. Fortunately women are a lot more complex than your article portrays them.
This article is sad to read. Girl-on-girl hate should never be supported by a university.
Wow. Just wow. It is amazing to me that this was written by a woman. This is offensive on many levels, not merely just towards the type of woman you seem to be attempting to characterize (poorly, might I add) in this column. I realize this reflects merely your own viewpoints, as it is what appears to be an opinion column, but it is very sad to me that a woman (a young woman at that) would feel the need to shame other women in order to get a point across (although, for the life of me, it is very hard for me to decipher your point within all this misogynistic garbage).
I am not stating that you don’t have the right to your own opinion, by any means. But wow. Even after the first and second waves of feminism, I cannot believe that this sort of behavior exists at all, and am even more saddened by the fact that it is coming from a woman herself, who I would think would be pro-women’s lib, and the rights of a woman to her own appearance.
You wrote a sort of disclaimer within the article: “This isn’t about slut-shaming, it isn’t about drawing the thick black line of jealousy across the page.” Well. I am confused about what it is about then? Is it not slut shaming to state that “If you hated yourself any more, you’d sidestep all the hoops you jump through in the dating game and wear an “enter here” sign on your front.”?
Who are you to judge the intelligence levels of others? Who are you to state what intelligence looks like from the outside? From the way your article seems to sound, you aren’t too fond of having yourself judge from merely outer-characteristics. Yet you do the same to others?
I would think that if you were as well read as you seem to be stating that you are, you might be more up to date on current literature and culture.
Shame on you, for proclaiming yourself as educated, yet not doing your homework on gender, if you are going to try to pass judgement upon it. Mind you, this was written by a lesbian, who wears minimal makeup, and is not trying to attract a male in the slightest. I guess congrats. You even offended me. Next time, do your reading. I am not ashamed to tote around feminist literature. I do not tuck my books inside my purse. I also do not judge my fellow women, lipstick or not, for purely their appearance. It sounds as if you need to check out a copy of “The Feminine Mystique”, and take a break from “The Great Gatsby”. Educate yourself on matters before you condemn your fellow woman.
makes me want to slap myself in he face with a copy of the feminist mystique
“If you hated yourself any more, you’d sidestep all the hoops you jump through in the dating game and wear an “enter here” sign on your front.”
Um, ew.
If you are truly happy with yourself and your singledom, you won’t need to tear others down. I hope you reach that point someday.
Until then, stay catty!
Seems like your snowflake complex/internalized misogyny really got the best of you here. Just don’t look at this as another case of controversial journalism, because honestly a piece like this has no journalistic value (what white zero rationales, and the “catty rant” tone).
I find this article both poorly written and offensive. I can’t decipher what exactly is it that you’re trying to say, except use this is a public forum to air your own insecurities and “catty” tendencies.
This is one petty piece of work. Frankly, your bashing of women is inappropriate and quite offensive. I’m embarrassed to be associated with a school that would publish something like this. Shame on you, UCO. What could have been an interesting article about your individuality became a seemingly jealous rant about how you’re not like “other girls.” Tacking on the line “this isn’t slut shaming” isn’t doing you any justice in this case. If it wasn’t, then you wouldn’t have felt the need to focus on the batting of eyelashes and revealing dresses.
Maybe next time you could write an enlightening article on overcoming internalized misogyny.
It’s really sad and pretty immature to assume that someone has low self-esteem from the fact that they wear revealing clothes and lipstick. it’s an (unconscious, hopefully) reflection of a misogynistic societal norm that women strive for male validation because they aren’t confident in themselves. it’s really disappointing that you, as a woman, continue to subscribe to beliefs that are so hurtful to your own gender – hopefully you can change this in the future. in the meantime, stop hatin’ and embrace wearing lipstick – it actually feels good to look good.
Not only are you full of —-, but you’re also a terrible writer. And L O L x infinity at your brilliant book mentions– haven’t read anything since high school, have you now?
This article is absolute trash, lacking even a speck of respectable journalism. It seems that you have chosen to use the Vista as your personal platform to degrade any woman who does not fit your moral box. It also seems that this was written out of bitterness, jealousy, insecurity, immaturity, and obvious hatred, both of yourself and of the women you mention. As for your comment on “this isn’t about slut shaming”? This whole article is nothing BUT slut shaming, so you might want to educate yourself on the definition and what comes along with a term like that. The fact that this was written by a woman is even more disgusting, as you are clearly in contempt of a gender that even you, yes you, belong to. In fact, I think it is safe to say that you have no concept nor education on feminism, which is rather unfortunate for you, as it appears it might do you some good.
To be honest I am offended by this article. You are using this article to vent about your insecurities and to talk down on other women. This is really an immature and catty piece of work.
“Girls are catty creatures” but you’re different, right? Wow, you sound like you really hate women. Hurray for internalized misogyny :/
I don’t even understand the point of this article.
You are not any more special than the girls that you’re insulting in this article. Your lack of confidence in yourself is made evident by your shallow judgements. I actually feel secondhand embarrassment for you.
Letter to the Editor (or in this case, author):
I found this article extremely offensive, closed-minded, and immature. What I’m sensing here is extreme bitterness toward the “pretty” girls who made your youth a living hell. Now, when the world is supposed to be at your fingertips because college is the place for “girls like you,” here are the same pretty girls (albeit with different faces) who are doing the same thing: stealing your men.
Instead of opening your mind to see that although every girl may not be possessed with the prototypical norms of hypothetical beauty, she can in fact do things to make herself more appealing (such as the hated ruby red lips you can’t seem to stand). From what I gather simply from your picture is that you have regarded makeup as an enemy instead of a tool. You want men to see you because of your mind, yes?
Well, guess what. That is not the way the world works. Before anyone ever knows how kind, intelligent, artistic, creative, and caring you are they see you. They see your artificially dyed hair that does not compliment your skin tone whatsoever, your haircut that does not at all flatter your bone structure, and your baggy t-shirt and ill-fitting jeans that simply scream “I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!”
I happen to be a girl who believes in both beauty and brains. I am a Fashion Merchandising major, Business minor at the University of North Texas. I have written novels and am working to get one published at the moment. I read constantly. I am not ashamed to be seen reading Charles Bukowski, Emily Dickenson, OR TWILIGHT. I have published works of poetry in anthologies. I have a running business plan.
But on top of that, I wear lipstick on occasion. I am obsessed with high heels. Makeup is a tool, an artisan right that I have used to enhance what is already there. I am no illusion. Just because I have modeling experience, am I just some idiotic slut trying to get the attention of every male around me? Am I less intelligent than you, beneath you, just because I choose to make myself beautiful?
Feminism, at its heart, does not require women to become shrews. In my opinion, true feminism means embracing your femininity. Men do not have the privilege of donning makeup or executing fashion in the way women do. This is ours and only ours. Men cannot have it and never will. In that light, I am proud of it. I am proud that I have the power to drive a man crazy, to make him lose is train of thought just by looking at me. THAT is power. Forget male dominance. Males will be dominant when they can silence me with their beauty.
Think about it, Ms. Dalton. No man will ever be surprised when you are intelligent, because you have chosen to shy away from the rights given to you as a woman. I, on the other hand, have surprised men on a daily basis. Why?
“Because. I just never thought a girl that looks like you could ever be that smart.”
If you’re about changing society’s impressions… maybe my way goes a little against the grain more than your way of flying solo.
Sincerely,
Brie
Brie, picking on authors looks is just perpetuating the cycle of girl-hate.
Brie-
I find your comment just as troubling as the original article. It’s pretty shocking to see something like this come from an educated women, especially the line “feminism is about embracing your femininity.”
Wrong on all counts. Feminism is about equal rights for ALL women, including those who do not chose to flaunt their femininity. Let me just remind you that not all feminists are women and not all women are biologically female. I understand – you’re into feminism. But you obviously have a lot to learn before you get it.